I recently considered how certain language may not serve me well. The thought arrived while sitting with the affirmation, “I am enough.” I hold sincere gratitude for those words, which powerfully aid me in my life to remember that the contrast (“I am NOT enough”) is, most certainly, untrue. I feel a comfort when I meditate on “I am enough,” because it offers a simple and direct way of saying that nothing more is needed of me nor do I require striving to be someone other than who I am today. I want to believe that as true, to let go of feelings of inadequacy in my life. I want that for everyone, actually. Not to say that we cannot aspire for growth, or pursue change in ourselves, or let go of patterns and habits, or set conviction toward future goals. But, in those things, my hope is that I can do so within a framework of loving and accepting who I am right now, while moving freely in a path of growth.1
While I acknowledge how “I am enough” counters false notions of being lacking, I also see how those words guide toward a tired model of comparative thinking. To be enough is to say that there is a measure. To be enough implies that there is a standard where not enough can exist in the first place, where we are inherently compared against something else (even if that may be an illusion of another self whom we dream of being). And I see, as I learn more of what works for me in finding authenticity and genuine expression of my being: comparative thinking is wall denying access to true self. The journey to knowing oneself is an unfolding epiphany of “I am,” full stop.2
Candidly, I cannot imagine that I would stop emphasizing “I am enough” or “you are enough” in my writing, coaching, and friendships. Even while I attempt to acknowledge this is perhaps limiting behavior, I am willing to bet “enough” will continue to show up within my Substack in the coming weeks. We live in a world of constant comparison and that is the lens through which we examine life. I am full of complexities and contradictions that are stuck in my cultural context and limit my capacities to build beyond what feel to be foundational structures.3 So, as I continue to practice and live within this current paradigm (separation and comparison), I will probably use the tools that I know (“I am enough”) to let go of false mindsets (“not enough”). In a world of comparative thinking, we are indeed enough as we are. I stand with that belief. Yet, I also desire to meet myself more in the greater universe, which transcends and expands far beyond the limits of that measuring model. I want to see the truth of a present time, so infinite that there is no comparative scale to capture or hold it. I aspire to free myself from the comparing mind and the suffering which those attachments hold.4 With that intention, I remind myself again that in my heart of hearts, the words that feel most true are not “I am enough,” rather they are “I am.”
With that full stop and strong period ending to a phrase which tempts me to add more nuance and complexity and further language and keep explaining myself and more and more and more (“I am…enough, I am…okay, I am…good, I am…right, I am…more, I am…one, I am…everything, I am…nothing, I am…love, I am…”), I will listen to myself. And so I say, for today, this is.
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Following the breadcrumbs…
This week, in the spirit of the post, I will not include any additional links. I extend an invitation to join me, to sit with what shows up, and be present with yourself. Just as we are, right now.
The acceptance of the now, while flowing with opportunities of development and change, is an interesting tension. I imagine many have heard this, I am reminded to think of the sapling oak tree. At no point in its path, to becoming the mighty oak, is the sapling “wrong” or “not there yet.” Nature doesn’t hold those beliefs. Yes, the sapling may be fragile or susceptible to influence (change in trunk shape or direction of limbs) when younger; however, it is exactly where it needs to be in the moment. A sapling, a young tree, and an old oak are all simply and fully what they are in time. And, growth is in their nature…as are the falling of leaves to reveal vacant branches, or the budding and flourishing of acorns amidst bright greens. Every stage and every season serves a purpose of being in the exact point of their life cycle and full journey of the oak. There is no “not enough,” even while change is ever present.
Be it YHWH speaking to Moses, "I Am that I Am" or a cartoon Popeye proclaiming his spinach fueled words, “I y’am what I y’am,” I find that both the sacred and profane hold a truth which may baffle understanding. I am. I am what? Just, I am. And, maybe, if that can be felt and held in our hearts, then we begin to see that our full selves (in ALL of their complexities, parts, contradictions, nuances, and life) can be heard in harmony and sung in a chorus of acceptance, as we are right now.
Take capitalism for instance! I can bemoan and shake my fist again and again at the inequities and injustices that are found in our relationship to those philosophies and practices. And, indeed, it merits critique and we benefit from awareness of the dangers of these systems. Yet, I am doing so from my Apple computer, with my Apple phone nearby, as I leverage many of my value transactions through the American dollar that I actively compete in a marketplace economy to earn (and sometimes grow, albeit poorly at times, perhaps in part due to my energetic blocks on the system and my overall relationship to the idea of money earned through competition!). That is to say: while I may find awareness of problematic aspects in my life and thinking, it appears that I cannot completely step outside of those things if I continue to maintain my investment in this culture and my participation in my communities. And, with that strange paradox and contradiction of my values, I will say that I committed to being in this culture and community for the foreseeable future even as I long to move beyond comparison thinking. So, I guess, that is what it is.
On the topic of “the comparative mind” and its bringing of suffering, I am curious if anyone knows the source of this paraphrased wisdom: “If you believe you are worse than another, that is comparing mind, which is suffering. And, if you believe you are better than another, that is comparing mind, which is suffering. And even still, if you believe you are equal to another, that is comparing mind, which is suffering.” I heard Joe Hudson reference a version of that. He attributed it to being a Tibetan Buddhist teaching; however, I cannot find any similar words online when searching for Buddhist texts or talks which say something along those lines. Anyone happen to know a source? I like it. The words feel like a simple way of reminding us that the striving for equality (not to discredit its importance in many contexts) can hold limiting beliefs of comparison and that the striving itself can bring suffering. It’s sticky, but I do like the invitation those teachings hold to let go.