On integration as a practice

Bridging expansive and elevated experiences into pathways of the everyday

A path in New Zealand (Rob Douglas)

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Kind Moon is a coaching and facilitation practice, led by Rob Douglas, with a range of offerings from preparation/integration coaching, tea sessions, mindfulness practices, and beyond. Integration coaching supports individuals seeking self-guided processes for presence with significant and transformative experiences (from retreats, sacred medicine ceremonies, or major life transitions). To learn more about how Kind Moon aligns with your intentions, please book a free discovery call or reach out via the Kind Moon website.

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I have a hunch that we share something in common, Dear Reader. You and I, we have been on the tops of mountains and to the bottoms of valleys. Somewhere along the way, we stepped out into a new realm of life (and yet still within) that broke the everyday rhythms and routined patterns of our minds. And, in that brief or timelessly stretched instant, we felt thrill, challenge, inspiration, and transcendence. We held a confounding tension that managed to be both wonderfully connecting and utterly disconnected.

Perhaps, you went away on an adventure into the natural world or you joined a spiritual retreat full of profound learnings or you met a loss that you never imagined was possible or you were guided in a shamanic and mysterious journey or, simply, you sat down with closed eyes and dropped into a newly resonant practice. Something hit deep in your heart that gave you a sense of what the soul may actually be. And, in that moment where sparks hinted at flame and new patterns felt possible, a question may have arrived: “Am I changed forever?”¹

So many avenues we pursue (or are unfairly forced upon us) can bring forth sincere transformation. I tend toward the belief that most exist in the subtle realms of life, where repetitions of daily rituals and slow growth in the soil of rich community provide deep-rooted and steadfast change. I honor those and hope we each can further cultivate them with intentional awareness, compassion, and gratitude. Yet, today, I am considering those changes that first show themselves in the major life moments. Dramatic shifts born out of expansive and elevating experiences. Often without such established roots and built on unsteady ground. And, the questions that follow are: How do we keep growing and bearing fruit from the experience? How do we integrate these mysterious Other Times into our already known and well trodden life?

For most of my younger life, I did not know the word integration held noteworthy meaning beyond the legal end of segregation through the sacrifices and work of the Civil Rights Movement in the United States. I suppose the word came into other uses, more generally, at some point in learning environments as a young adult when talking about synthesizing ideas or bringing together complex, disparate solutions. And then, as I moved into filmmaking and narrative forms, the word came around again when referencing how to bring topics into a storyline with ease and subtlety. Even still, I did not give much thought to integrating as a specific practice or as part of my core language until sometime over that last decade (more significantly in recent years too, specifically through dialogues around sacred medicine ceremonies²). I felt the absence of integration at my core in many of those aforementioned, expansive experiences for years: coming back from a powerful time in nature or a spiritual community retreat with no sense of how to “transition back to life” when I had just felt something so much bigger and awake in me. I had no notion of how to continue mining the caves of those mountains of the soul for the rich gold within. I most certainly did not know at those points there was a word (and further related practices!) for making that happen. And, when I did learn, it still took me many years to properly integrate integration into my process and journeys. Candidly, I still am doing so.

I have read and heard many times that integration is the process of uniting parts into a whole. And in the world of facilitation and coaching, where I have my Kind Moon offerings, integration represents practices and tools used to bridge the chasms between contained, expansive experiences and one’s life beyond (healing the disconnect that may occur through the nature of self-doubt, judgment, overwhelm, or fear). The practices serve to allow the transformation and learnings to be carried forward into your path and to allow the experiences to continue to be present and impacting as they unfold outside their observed container.³

So, I hear you: on with it already. You get that integration is valuable but how do we put it into practice?

I have a few methods in which I find great value, given one’s circumstances and personal needs. Though, you may not be surprised to read that there is no one-tool-fits-all-needs approach. Over the course of this Substack’s life, I’ll be diving into each of these as featured topics and fleshing them out for our shared explorations. For now, the broad strokes:

• Spaciousness and mindfulness

• Breathing practices and guided breathwork

• Embodiment, somatic exploration, and sloooooow exercise

• Creative expression

• Grounding in nature

• Mentorship, coaching, and trusting community

There are whole worlds within each of these full of nuance and variation. There are tools and teachings that are invaluable to discerning how best to practice your needs in these. And, I do believe that there are unhelpful and even harmful misuses of each. The value often requires both developed intentions and clear navigation tools. However, they are each gracious opportunities that lend toward creating a safe container for us to meet ourselves. Take a deep breath in and allow yourself a noisy exhale. Slow down. Try another time, with a long and heavy sigh as you release. If you can, slow down even more and give yourself another big sigh, imagining the noise and breath carrying out a place where tension is held in your body. You got this.

That’s the first step, always, for me. Returning to my breath, slowing down, returning to my breath again. Letting that release and awareness drop me further into my body. Moving slowly into the paradox of letting go, as I connect more. I do not think we can walk fully into integration without creating space for ourselves and a sense of where we are in this present moment.⁴ We can still find opportunity to receive and grow with integration tools regardless; however, if you have the capacity to meet yourself with slowing down first, I do think the doors will open up more widely for you in these practices.

In the realm of transcendent, experiential ceremonies and sacred medicines, where one may go into states of being which feel almost foreign to their daily life, there are a collection of playful tools that can be useful to consider too. Simple activities following one’s session without limiting too quickly in a finite or locked understanding. I have quite a few that I am always grateful to share with clients, friends, and community when helpful.⁵ And, over time, I hope to continue to offer them via this platform too. An example of one that I point people toward (perhaps it might meet your interest to try, after you read this!) is:

Anchoring meditation: in the days following your ceremony, take 15-20 minutes to allow yourself to be seated (or another position as your body requires) in a silent setting. Take a phrase, image or sensation that felt significant during your expansive experience, which is still present to you. Select whatever comes to mind first when you look back on your time; no need to overthink it as you can repeat this again with other words/visuals/feeling in another session. Now, after a few calming breaths, call forth whatever you may have chosen in an almost mantra (word or sound repeated to aid concentration) like practice. If your phrase was something such as “we are all one”, then repeat that to yourself five or more times. Then slow down the repetition, allowing space to grow between. And, finally, as the spaces get further and further apart, begin to sit in that silent, between time. Allow yourself to simply breathe and see what may come up. If you find your mind wandering too far out (thinking about to-do’s or the day’s schedule), imagine yourself as a boat floating on placid waters that has drifted a distance from its anchor: the rope gently catches and the pull of the anchor holds the boat from floating off too far. Your phrase, image or sensation is that anchor. Repeat it again and feel it pulling you toward your center of focus (“we are all one”). Maybe you need to say or visualize it a few times again, before spacing it out. And, as you do this practice, the between times and that silent space may start to spark related ideas or feelings to your initial anchor. Some may be memories from your ceremony returning to your conscious mind or feelings being held in your body that had not yet become thoughts or new ideas that are still unfolding as your ceremony continues to expand in your life beyond. Everything is welcomed with curiosity and compassion, as you feel capable. Just sitting in your anchored position, letting the ripples expand and create for you. The journey is still present and you are welcoming it into your life.

The goal of a tool like anchored meditation and some of the other reflective/opening activities that I recommend are primarily to let your elevated experience expand naturally. There is a tendency to quickly ascribe meaning, narrative, context, and definition for our major life moments. This is natural and makes perfect sense to me. And, ultimately, that is a part of integration’s goal. We are bringing our life together toward a felt wholeness. The challenge though is to not rush the pace. These are massive endeavors, needing patience and loose grips on them. They may move at a very different speed than what we are accustomed to and open doors that we should sit with before passing through. So, many of the most helpful integration tools are quite open-ended and serve as invitations to see what may come, instead of trying to nail down every piece of our memory and force shape to something which is still growing.

Whatever your path or practices may be, I hope that you are finding chances to see your experiences with a sense of sacredness, curiosity and compassion. I am confident there is no one best way to meet yourself as you process and integrate these times. We are each unique in how we live into, receive, and move onward in our journeys. But, I do believe that we are all better for it when we can find support and shared resources through community. And, while I long for a world where that exists all around in our present, physical environment…I also recognize that we have incredible access via technology and digital platforms. I hope that this Substack may be a small piece to your mosaic of growth. And, I welcome comments and messages to help us all live in integration practices and deep connection. You are welcome here.

Following the breadcrumbs…

Take a moment to explore and see if these may inspire some next turns for you. Not all topics may resonate; though, there just might be a breadcrumb or two leading to something meaningful in your world.

• PODCAST: Joe Hudson and his daughter, Esme, discuss fatherhood (on Art of Accomplishment). I attended one of the Art of Accomplishment’s seminars last year, where we learned about tools of connection and practiced via one-on-one breakouts. I treasured it and found Joe to be an inspired teacher. While not a new release, I continue to think back on this conversation he had with his daughter. Their connection is sweet and full of easeful wisdom. May we all find such open heartedness across generations.

• TEA: Big Leaf Shuixian (from Song Tea & Ceramics). This week, I hosted a tea session (RVA locals can book here!) with my friend Tom. We opened up some leaves that I had been holding onto for a couple months to enjoy together. They were perfect for a spring morning, welcoming warmer weather. Not a daily drinker price point but worthwhile to kick off this change in season.

• READING/ART: Portals by Kathi Hendrick. My dear friend, Kathi, created a beautiful collection of poetry, art, and photography (shot by Madison Hoffmann). It’s a meditative piece that I think everyone will appreciate having at hand. Even the layout and design is stunning! Candidly, I’ve never felt at home with poetry…so there is a challenge in this for me too that is fun to explore.

1. Or, instead, this may not feel familiar at all; though, I suspect that even if the experience itself has not arrived for you consciously, you may still know the longing. You may still have passed through those times with a hint of what was there. And, I would go even further to guess that a part of you knows how true those moments can be, even as another part may be holding you back from dropping into them fully. Somewhere, hidden away, there might be a voice whispering about the powerful potential of transformative experience (showing up ever so slightly when you sang alone, unapologetically to a favorite song; let flow a tearful release behind closed doors; woke up from a dream which seemed so big and true that the morning to follow was like a cloud). Maybe, just maybe.

2. This is the language that feels most present today but I’m still in search of how to speak about substances that impact or expand consciousness in a way that is relatable and appropriate. I use the term Sacred Medicines broadly, not in any specific connection to language such as the Indigenous peoples of the Great Plains’ Four Sacred Medicines (Tobacco, Cedar, Sage & Sweetgrass). The term I am using points toward what many presently call “plant medicines” (popularly used to speak about entheogens and psychedelics); however, plant medicines feels limiting for two reasons: 1) the medicines referenced are often actually fungi and pharmaceuticals (neither of which are plants), and 2) I think that sacred medicines are not limited to mind-altering substances; rather, they go into much more accessible thresholds which are used with deep intention to explore self in connection to the greater world (tea, camellia sinensis, prepared and consumed with a sense of ritual being a favorite example in my life).

3. That is to say, the impact of an expansive experience often is still ongoing and unfolding after the time when the event took place. Somatically and emotionally, we continue to flow through what we received in those sessions as we go back into “daily life”. And allowing spaciousness for that unfolding to happen, in a gracious and compassionate way, grants room for the fullness of the experience to be found. In some instances, we are so overwhelmed or out of it when a significant moment is happening. We need time to receive and process what is going on, well beyond the brief window that we occupied while struggling to simply be in it. In my life, it took me days to replay and live out certain events (times where, “in the moment”, I was lost in the bigness or simply trying to stay grounded at all).

4. Another vantage point of creating spaciousness for ourselves is through the lens of allowing our nervous system to relax. An example, which is debated still across some fields but I do find quite useful to consider, is Polyvagal Theory, accessibly (and, unfortunately a bit dryly) presented in Deb Dana’s Anchored. Yet, I know that we do not all have immediate capacity to access slow breathing or self-regulation of our nervous systems. Many of us may be in environments which feel unsafe, actively moving through traumas, physically suffering with severe pain, or a myriad of other present reasons. I see you in that and do not mean to sound dismissive or insensitive when saying we cannot “walk fully into integration” without certain tools at hand. Because, we CAN still have expansive experiences and integrate them even when we are lacking current capacity to slow down. Do not lose hope. What I’m advocating is a move toward safe and easeful spaciousness to enhance the benefit of integration practices and one’s ability to connect more fully with self (if we can even say there is a relative scale to such benefits…I acknowledge may be an absurd assumption on my part).

5. If you are interested in either hearing about how I can support you in exploring integration practices/tools OR would like recommendations for others who may have more aligned offerings, please do not hesitate to reach out! I pitch myself because part of my livelihood is coaching; however, I do so far more because I truly believe in the importance of these topics. I chose this path for myself out of a genuine call toward something that is deeply meaningful in my life and purposeful in how I want to meet the world. I hope that comes through with integrity and trust whenever I offer direction toward Kind Moon and my network of resources. Please feel free to reach out for a discovery call (found here) or send me a message any time.