Kind Moon is a coaching and facilitation practice, led by Rob Douglas, with offerings of integration coaching, tea sessions, mindfulness practices, and beyond. Integration coaching supports individuals seeking self-guided processes for presence with significant and transformative experiences (from retreats, sacred medicine ceremonies, or major life transitions). To learn more about how Kind Moon aligns with your intentions, please book a free discovery call or reach out via the Kind Moon website.
I started a piece this week about the value of connection, community, and support. I wanted to emphasize how the modalities we are exploring (on integration, rest, and parts work) are not solely about inner-resourcing; rather, they are about how we live and heal as part of the collective. I wrote it to remind myself and each reader that may be open to hearing: we are not alone. And, I deeply believe in that reality. However, try as I might to get the words to come through clearly, the piece was not feeling right in my gut. The language read as forced and the ideas stale, even amidst discussing the philosophies of healing connection that are core to my belief system. I will likely rework the writings at some point to share1; but ultimately, I could not send out something which felt so apart from my true voice and strangely disconnected from my current heart.
So on Saturday morning, as I sat with my wise friend, Liza (a gifted and inspiring storyteller), eating buttery biscuits and drinking tea in the backyard where she was ducksitting, we asked ourselves a simple question, “What feels most true to you right now?” We both closed our eyes, the sun hit down on our heads, the feathered friends found their own quacky rhythms, and I tried to feel where that question resonated in my body. My life is good and full, with overwhelmingly beautiful community, friendships, and partnership. I love my dog, home, neighborhood, schedule, and work. Yet, this month, my mind has been overrun with the noise and clutter of disconnected ideas. I am in a season of financial uncertainty, where taxes, unplanned costs, and dramatic income shifts are inviting stress and doubt to occupy much of my energy. My bookings with facilitation and coaching participants are inconsistent, my coursework in related trainings often feel uncomfortable (which I do believe is part of their intention and value, given the nature of what I am studying and practicing), and my overall physical health journey is “challenging” at best. Amidst trying to write and hold space around explorations of resources for inner awareness and healing, my own resources are hard to access in a pool of mirky, unclear waters. My navigation tools for finding what feels true inside me are less accessible and seem hidden away.
Currently, I find it easy to give attention to stories claiming the world is falling apart. Every time I look to the news and media, I see the incredible injustices of war, greedy plays for power, human violence, disregard of nature, protection and hoarding of imbalanced wealth, divisive language, and hate of others, raising genuine questions of whether one could truly impact change or participate in helping. I have so many friends right now who are experiencing moments that feel like seismic shifts in their lives (loss of jobs, separation of partnerships, upheaval of stability, emergency hospitalizations, and overwhelming struggles beyond). And, while I know that the challenges of the times are nothing new, there appears a larger focus on them and a more uncertain perspective than I have noticed in quite some time. Many friends share that they are lost or confused. Other friends are putting on blinders and “pushing through” with a disconnect and dispassion that seems unfamiliar to how I have known them to be in the past. And, in my own life, where I have so many reasons to be sparked with excitement and hope of new opportunities and potential, I still find myself regularly heading toward exhaustion and carrying heavy doubts.
I share this to express what I am seeing and experiencing in this season of my life. I am not inviting you into anything that may feel untrue or may be harmful to your own cheerful perspectives. For many, this may not be the story of your life, communities, or news cycles. I know there are folks out there who are feeling the warm invitation of Spring coming forth. There are families, welcoming in newborn babes and sweet little pups, that see the incredible potential of fresh starts. There are new projects and collaborations coming into play that are generative and creative. And, there are people working hard to serve those in need and getting to see healing, transformative experiences every day. I know these things are happening because they are around me in my own community and friendships too! My waters may be mirky but they are most certainly still swimming with fresh life. Yet, I find the pendulum of perspective has swung pretty hard in me toward heaviness and the noise of hurt is quite loud.
So, when that swing is strong and the sound gets overbearing, I find it difficult to feel into my body for truths. In these moments, I live in my thoughts and occupy my time with distractions. I fill space with empty activities and treat stillness like it is a vacuum which is void of any value (as opposed to the reality of stillness offering a rich moment to connect with myself). My breaths become shallow and my intentions become sparse. I am a less attentive listener and regularly drift in my concentration. At times, I feel that my personal slogan could be “busy doing nothing,” as my wheels spin and my thoughts become repetitive. This may sound dramatic, which is likely misleading. In reality, my patterns tend be anti-drama, moving toward flattened and controlled behaviors and feelings. And, I have seen in the past that I treat much of these moments like I am a half step away from my own life—not in a mindful witnessing which may allow calm or patience, rather disconnected and lost in my mind’s closed circuit patterns. Awareness and access to what is most true become foreign and unfelt.
That was where my writing lived this week. I could access all of the ideas that I have validated and built up in my library of selfhood. I could talk about them and share them with a fair amount of ease, given my familiarity with the topics and treasuring of community throughout my life. Even still, the feeling of those words and the connection to their value were not wholly present nor being spoken in my authentic voice. So, what to do? For me, the simplest paths are often the best. Pause, reset, and dig into where I actually am (even if only available for a passing moment). Make a thermos of tea, grab some biscuits on the road, and go sit with a friend who offers me a welcoming and kind presence. Add in a couple pet ducks and somewhat warm sunshine. Settle into time together, air a few grievances, get to a more honest place, and then try again. What feels most true to me right now?
My body felt tired and yet a little buzzy, like all my energy was up in my head and floating just above me. So, I breathed in a little deeper. I felt a kind warmth that is always there in my chest if I give it attention. I felt an opportunity to let a heaviness in my stomach drop down a bit. I felt what rested between those two things: warmth and release. And, I started to get a little emotion welling up, which was moving toward wanting to cry. I discovered a true feeling that was in my core and had felt hidden away for the last few days. That is what showed up in my body. Then I looked at my friend, who I trusted in the moment as willing to hear me in whatever felt true. And, without giving much thought, the words that came up as true were, “The world is inherently good.”
This is not something new or groundbreaking to me; I have known and held that belief deeply. However, it is something from which I became rather disconnected in my daily perspective of late. And yet in my truest of true, when I sought inward while sitting in that sunshine with a dear friend (and ducks) nearby, a confidence in the greater goodness is what I found awaiting at my core. And quickly, I witnessed some other less deep or true feelings following, I felt a bit ashamed to be saying those words and scared to publicly believe that idea. I felt like it was somehow wrong to state “the world is inherently good” and that I would be judged as trite or naive (not by my lovely friend but rather by the world beyond). Isn’t that strange? Something so simple and hopeful as believing in the goodness of our planet (and in our shared humanity) felt wrong to hold. Even now, I feel a small desire bubbling up with a need to explain, justify, or add nuance, as if my belief requires “more” to be valid. I do not know why that is—which, I think I am okay with at the moment to leave unanswered. But, regardless of the chasing insecurity, I hold to the core truth that I found. Amidst the horrors of the news, the struggles of many friends, and my own very challenging instability: I do not want to give into despair nor into the more present trend toward apathy and disconnect. Because, in my heart, I still believe that world is good and I love the magic that belief holds for me.
I am grateful that seed of goodness is what feels most present in my truth today. Also, I am sad that the seed appears often untended and hard to access of late. I do not know what my plan will be toward changing that. Though, the practice is a reminder that I do have a choice right now. Many of my decisions and actions are momentarily being driven from a very disconnected, stressed, and doubtful place. I think that my principles and ethics have safeguarded them from being particularly harmful. Actually, I think my loving partnership, friendships, and community have kept me walking along in a life full of giving and supportive pathway for many of my activities. So don’t get me wrong, I can look at my life right now with a lot of confidence and appreciation as being good and aligned with my values. Truly. I love where my work and my days are directed in so many ways. But, I also have been given a quick reminder to consider how they are connected to my core truths in an alive and flowing manner. I have also been given a reminder to look at how I am treating myself and the “spaces between” in my life. Honestly, I see those are often not thriving or flowing fully in the now, as I let stress and doubt take up so much of my energy. And, I am feeling an invitation to check back in with what feels most true to me. It may be semantics or imagined perspective, who knows? Though, I tend to think it is an important practice to head back toward, and I feel grateful to have checked in again with that briefly (after an extended gap in doing so).
My invitation and offering in sharing this is to see if you may be feeling disconnected, distracted, discouraged, or doubtful. That is SO VERY OKAY if you are. I see you in that. Yet, if those are present feelings, how would it be to slow down a bit and consider if, below those feelings, you could check in with where you may have even deeper truths? And, if you cannot seem to find where those are, how would it feel to ask if a friend might be open to helping you explore that together (or a coach, or therapist, or guide, or spiritual teacher, or time spent with Nature)? There is no right answer to what may be there or what may want to be heard. There are so many reasons right now that could ask for uncomfortable feelings and hard perspectives to show up as most present. Again, you are valid in whatever may come forth. Whatever it may be though, I am curious to ask you, in the deepest place you can access, “What feels most true to you right now?”
Following the breadcrumbs…
Links, media, noise, distraction, or maybe helpful aids. Use your discernment and check out what may serve you best.
VIDEO/PODCAST: Tara Brach’s Do You Feel Overwhelmed? Turning Stress into a Gateway of Awakening. I admire and appreciate Tara Brach as one of our greatest contemporary teachers. I also can find myself feeling very impatient with some of her teachings (the irony is not lost on me in that!). At the core, I agree with so much she offers and find her words accessibly profound. Molly sent this one to me recently. Feeling connected to the idea of inviting Mara to tea.
PRACTICE: As one’s body allows, consider going for a non-exercise-driven walk without phone, earbuds, or any other device which is not in service of accessibility needs (as in, not even in a pocket…leave ‘em behind and create extended physical space away from technology). Or, if mobility is a present issue, sitting outside with the same approach of disconnection from technology based distraction.
SHORT FILM: Eric Johnson’s The Letter. Every once in a while, it is nice to revisit old creative projects (even better sometimes when out of season). Here is a short film that I produced alongside my dear friends and past creative partners, Eric and JJ (featuring some pretty fancy names like F. Murray Abraham, Sharon Van Etten, and Hugo Guinness). Still makes me smile.
The mentioned unpublished post on connection and community has some pretty hot footnote action too! Pausing on that bonus style for this week…but don’t worry, they’ll be back.
Such wisdom and beautiful honesty. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting others in to resonate in this kind of real life experience. It is a good reminder to reach in deeper into our own beings past the fear and doubt to hear what’s really in there. Xx
Echoing Molly...so much wisdom and invitation in the honesty of what you are revealing and inviting in...thank you...