The fourth of four I's: Initiation
A dialogue with Yasmine Idriss on transformative passages of life.
And so, we move forward in our series. After preparing the way through intuition, invitation, and intention, we take the active step of initiation. Initiation is a mysterious waterway in which to swim and I thought it may help to dive in through a dialogue. Sometimes, explorations of certain practices can be so elusive that it is best to let them live in the liminal space of relationship (floating between two people) rather than trying to capture directly in singular exposition (tightly held by one individual’s belief). With that in mind, I decided to chat across the globe with my dear friend, Yasmine Idriss. We recorded a video of our dialogue and took some highlighted moments from the transcription.1
I have many personal reflections on what initiation means, in the form of ceremonies or rituals that honor our beginnings into new paths. I am curious about the way that they are paradoxically both grounding and transporting. Initiation, for me, is the action of first steps and the true engagement into the new path. And, in the context of this series, it is the moment of embodiment that follows one’s internal journey of receiving and responding to the callings of life. But, even in that, there is something beyond language. So, I am incredibly grateful for Yasmine’s openness to help shape something which cannot be fully held. Sometimes, to see a mystery most clearly, you have to dance around it instead of staring directly at it.
Amidst many unique pursuits and expressions, Yasmine has been exploring the role of initiation through the lens of pilgrimage and journeys over recent years. Last year, she (alongside a documentary production team) solo bicycled the Ring Road of Iceland amidst some massive life pivots (including the departure from her company, Solana Footwear).2 She is currently in Greece within a self-guided, creative arts residency. The present moment and the echoes of recent explorations felt alive as we delved into the topic at hand…
I had a few trailheads that could help kickoff our dialogue, but the most obvious first one: there's this word initiation. What does that word mean to you? What is initiation?
Yasmine: Yes, I was going to start there too. I think that word is meant to be a little mysterious. To initiate something, literally means to start something. But, that’s not what we’re talking about here. To begin something is only part of what we’re speaking about. Initiation in this sense is the beginning of a heroine or hero’s journey. It's beginning something, yes, which is without a doubt the hardest part of any process, because there's so much uncertainty. But it’s also beginning something new, entering unknown territory. When you're about to take that first step into the large, mysterious unknown. That excites me. I like that feeling. I feel like I'm a seeker of that feeling. I think we're all attracted to one part of a journey or another.
That's kind of how I define initiation, rather than the literal term of just beginning something. There's also this “rights of passage” feeling to it. It's not just beginning anything; it's beginning something that feels like a test. And like in any test, you can succeed or fail. Initiation is not guaranteed. Initiation is earned.3
And so, just because you decided to do something really difficult and just because you have gone on the journey and had the courage to undertake it, doesn't mean you’re guaranteed success or initiation. Take Iceland, for example. There were so many things and tests that came up for me. And for each of them, I could have made a different choice. I don't know what would have happened had I taken a different path. Maybe I would not have succeeded in that journey.
It's interesting to hear you hold the words success and initiation so closely together. So, what is “failed” initiation to you?
Yasmine: It's when you're given or tested in some way, and you make a decision which doesn't open a new door for you. You've gone out into the woods, you're on your journey. At some point, you’re presented with a choice. And you choose the option that keeps you on the same path. It's like you made a u-turn, and you find yourself back where you started. It may look like a different path, but you always know whether it truly is or whether it’s disguised as one. And sometimes you don’t know, and through this “failed” initiation you learn. And if you learn, you haven’t really failed. Very Saturnian in that sense.
Versus, the new path that leads someplace which you've never been before. And that is a success in my book. Even though often what can happen is that the destination, the new place where you've landed may feel like a failure. This happens because it’s a new place and we’re unfamiliar with it so we reject it, but later we find out it’s been holding treasures for us all along. So successful initiations can often feel like failed ones.
What we’re calling a “failed” initiation would be something that takes you back to something familiar, known, comfortable. Or it would be making the familiar choice without learning from it. Going back to square one without having learned the lesson. And often, the familiar choice is disguised as something new. Like a “new” job often does. It has a different title, different location, different environment, but in the end you’re doing the same thing you just tried to leave. We always know. Deep down in our hearts, we know it's just the same old chip, but we take it because it's presented as new, and we’re trying to trick the universes by saying, “Look, I've done something new! Now please reward me.”
So on the other side of initiation, do you think there's always transformation, or at least the potential of transformation?
Yasmine: I believe so. Otherwise, I don't think it's called initiation. It's called something else.
As you think on initiation, are there ceremonies or rituals that have been fruitful for you to ground you into it?
Yasmine: There is always some sort of ceremony or ritual involved; although, they're always different. In the last year, it has been my practice to find my way back to my midline. Finding ground in my own body. That's been a newer ritual. Versus, in the past, I would pray to an external God. And I still do. It's just that my idea of what That is, and how I relate to It is different.
So the ritual/ceremony looks different each time but it’s always connecting me to the divine, the subtle realm through my own body and midline. It’s worth mentioning that initiation excites me so my prayer is more around asking for guidance and protection rather than comfort. The idea of who I will become on the other side is super exciting to me! But I do understand that transformation and change may not be as comfortable for others. For me, it’s been a main theme in my life. I always say to my friends who are less comfortable with change… don't you want to find out what’s waiting for you on the other side, who you'll become? That's what is so exciting. That’s what grounds me.
Is it always a “hard thing” that one's being initiated into?
Yasmine: In my experience. It has to have the elements and ingredients of: “This is uncomfortable. This is new. This is challenging.” It has to require that element of being outside of your comfort zone, of discomfort, of newness, of nervousness. If that element is not there, I don’t think it’s an initiation.
This doesn’t mean that every initiation will be super difficult but it will be new. It’s up to us and our attitude that will determine how difficult or easeful an initiation is. In my experience, the more I surrender into the experience, the “easier” it is. If there were one secret ingredient for any initiation it would be: Surrender. Let go of the reins. This is a moment where life is wanting to teach you, to take you somewhere, but it can’t do that if you’re holding on to the banks. Let the river take you.
How do you discern what the right paths of initiation are? It's not like every challenge is the right choice inherently, just because it's a challenge.
Yasmine: It's a great question. I think the challenges that we're meant to take are presented to us. The right ones come to us, not the other way round. And, you have to discern, however you discern things. We all discern what's right for us in different ways, because we're all different people and have different designs. But for me, I give it time. I listen to my sacral first. Is my body opening up or closing down to this?
You need to know your body and system. It is your inner knowing, it's the inner voice that you know. Is this right for me or is this not right for me?
What's important to speak to here is that there is no one way, there is no blanket way of knowing, there is no formula. I think it's really important to name that we all make decisions differently and we all have a different way of communicating with the subtle. For me, I need to give it time. I need to first discern what I'm sensing at a cellular level, whether my body's saying yes or no. If it's a no, it's a no usually. But, if it is a yes - often mixed in with a bunch of fear or nervousness - then I'll sit with it for a while and see where I land.
I feel resonant with the idea that there is no one way. It's an interesting thing, trying to present in my writing a formula that's worked for me. I'm not doing it with the goal of saying, “Here, this is your process too.” It's just more so meant to be, “Hey, here's something that's worked for me, maybe in reading this, it will help you consider what your process is.”
Yasmine: 100%. And it's super helpful for us to read what other people do and try things for ourselves in order to know what works for us.
I had a question that I'd written down before which I'm curious about. We have touched on it a bit already but what does it mean to be “before” initiation versus “after” initiation?
Yasmine: I can answer this in different ways. I'll give you a memory that came to me as you were speaking.
Before Iceland, last year, I was at a dear friend's wedding. I had this moment… it must have been around 3AM (Arab weddings go really long!). We had moved from the main area to this cave where the afterparty was. And, I remember walking in and feeling extremely aware that this is the before. I felt, “Oh my God, I haven't done Iceland yet. This is the moment before.”
And always, my instinct is to try and hang on to that moment. Because it’s so ephemeral. I always try to bottle up this feeling so I could feel how far I’ve come afterwards. Because, what happens in initiation is that we lose track of time. Time no longer exists, or is no longer linear, once you enter the vortex of initiation. There's so much that you're not aware of, because you're almost in a survival mode, and in survival mode all the “fluff” goes unnoticed and only what’s important is given attention . It is all hands on deck. The states that we get to enjoy when we're in “rest and digest” mode are often not there for us during initiation. And so, once we're done with the thing, it feels like it almost just flew past…we weren't really able to be fully present. And it’s meant to be this way, I believe. We’re not meant to take in every detail with our minds, we’re simply meant to be changed by the experience.
Yes, I love that. If I'm hearing you right (or at least what's coming up for me) is, amidst initiation, it's almost impossible to take full stock of yourself. Because, you're just flying through it. So, it is an amazing gift if you know that you are in the time before, to use that as a moment to make an inventory of your inner state. It's such a blessing to have that ledger in your mind and in your body, so that you can then hold it up again on the other side. You can't predict what the other side's going to be…but at least it gives you this space to say, “Oh, wow, I don't know what happened in the middle fully. But I see, I remember, what I was before and I can look at what I am now.” And, that inherently helps to give some form to the mysterious between time.
Yasmine: Yes. And, it's worth mentioning that journaling or recording your thoughts and experience in those moments can be very, very helpful. I tend to not want to write much but I'll record a video or make a drawing, jot down a poem. I keep reminding myself to keep a record of my feelings, thoughts, ideas, inner state in those moments.
We are gifted states of being in initiation that we don't usually have access to in normal life. They are these completely different experiences of life where, in my experience, I feel much more connected to myself. They are such a gift and I feel myself chasing them in normal life…but I can never get there. It’s not meant for normal life. And at the same time, I want to give each period of initiation its due integration time. You don’t want to “stack” these moments otherwise the experiences get diluted, lose their potency. I feel the one bridge we have to those sacred states is our documentation which usually comes in the form of creativity. The poem we wrote, the drawing we made, the tune we created while on pilgrimage.
We've talked about this before in regards to ceremonies, I appreciate when the documentation excludes analysis. I value when it is purely documentation or expression, which gives space to the presence of what's happening while not trying to step away from the experience to analyze. You're in the moment. And, I find it's really helpful to save the analysis for later. Not while in the flow of the experience itself.4
Yasmine: Not in the moment, for sure. Yes. I don't have any wisdom to offer here, because I'm going through it currently, but there's something that I'm feeling into and living into, around creativity as integration. The act of creating, when we make something out of nothing. I ask myself, “Where did that come from?” And, wherever that came from is usually what led us to this moment. I think there's something around creativity and initiation, a link where creativity is almost the bridge between normal life and initiation. Creativity is what keeps you linked to that moment. Perhaps, it is the only way to stay connected. Because, if you try to write about it as a journal entry, a month, two months later, there's no way the rational mind's gonna know how to speak to this experience. The moment is gone. You're a totally new person after. But you talk about that moment through art. And, I feel like you can revisit that creative expression.
Yes. I believe that art and creativity are the languages of abstraction. So–and this is pretty abstract stuff we're talking about–I was finding myself thinking as we're talking, “How would I translate this to my mom?” Or anyone, really, who is outside of this conversation and isn’t spending time exploring these topics. I wonder if they would understand what we're talking about right now because it's so abstract? I wonder if I even do?
Yasmine: She would get it more than anyone, because she's a mom. That's like the ultimate initiation. I'm using that example of a mother because that’s one of the most massive initiations that a human being can have in this lifetime. So, having her think back to who she was before she had children and then after. And then also the act of birthing itself. It may give her a window into what we're talking about.
It’s not for everyone and that's part of why it is so elusive, what we’re talking about. It's for those who are ready; it's so inherent in it and there is honor around it. You must be ready to be able to even speak about initiation, let alone go through one. I have so much respect, reverence, and humility towards initiation because, to me, it's extremely sacred.
Yes. That sacredness, it's really hard for me. Because, I have a desire to communicate about these things and I want to be in conversation about them with folks. But, how do you translate the sacred without being profane?
Yasmine: Rob, I don't think this can be spoken to with everyone. If I have the desire to go there with someone who wouldn’t usually go there, I’ll test the waters first (because I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt). Only if I feel a response, a reaction, or ability to receive will I continue. I've learned to stop now if I feel like it's not received or respected enough. Because it is sacred. We must protect the sacred. It's not an insult to the person, it just means that it's not for them right now. I think it needs to be protected…and I don't know exactly why. It’s just a feeling.
How do you feel about what we've touched into now, in this brief time, being something that would be held in a public space?
Yasmine: It's fine when it's shared with the collective. I was referring to a one-on-one conversation because we're reaching way deeper when one-on-one with someone. You can feel them and you're sharing a field. With the collective, it's a different set of rules, I would say for me at least. Otherwise, I'd never say anything right?
For someone who is reading this, or is on the search, how would you encourage them to find initiation in their own life?
Yasmine: Well, I would say trust the first thing that comes to them. What comes to mind when you hear initiation? For a lot of people, it's a bucket list item, like the Camino de Santiago. If you're going with the intention of completing a pilgrimage, the potential of initiation will be present, available. So in this sense, it can be a bucket list item or a physical challenge. For me, physical challenges can be unbelievably spiritual—but that's personal. Initiation can be something that you've always been afraid to do but really want to do. It can be something very personal and relevant to your life right now.
It doesn’t have to look like a “sacred ritual.” In fact I think some of the more powerful initiations don’t. They happen almost “by mistake”. Which is part of why I’m saying let the invitation come to you.
But it’s also important to mention, initiation is alive, it’s active, it’s a verb. We’re trying to capture it here because you’re writing a piece but it’s so ephemeral. It can happen in an instant. So yes we can plan and scheme but ultimately initiation chooses us not the other way around.
I resonate. Not to put our conversation in a box; however, that actually fits really well into this process of The Four I’s that I am talking about here. That’s the reason I find invitation comes before intention in that flow. I had a conversation with my friend Justin, in New Zealand. He said (paraphrasing), “I feel intention should come prior; this all begins within you first, then invitation arrives.”
Which I felt may be true—I get what he is working at. Yet, I realized that I don't see that happening in my life.5 The invitation comes to me first, even if subtle initially (through a question or a desire even). Then, I set my intention to follow what appears. It seems like you may have a similar process: the invitation arrived, then you decided to set your intention toward it.
Yasmine: Right. But I feel like you have to be open to life to some degree, to feel invitation and be able to receive it.
And that's that first “I”, that trust and openness of your navigation tool, the intuition. Though again, not trying to put us in a neat, little box.
Yasmine: Hey, it works for me.
It feels aligned!
There's one other thing I was curious about, which is somewhat semantic. I find it interesting that the word initiation has two sides: there's “to initiate,” which is an action of the self. But then there's “to be initiated,” which is received by another (organization or person or sacred spirit). Are those the same or are they different?
Yasmine: I think it’s two sides of the same coin. To initiate is on an individual level and to be initiated is on a collective level. It's more designed, more controlled, by humans.
Initiation, the way we're speaking to it, is connected with the divine, with the subtle. When I’m on a transformational journey, I feel like I’m living in a liminal space most of the time. Yet with a collective initiation, it's been designed by a community and you have to do certain things in order to be accepted. So, it’s the same idea but the experience is totally different. I feel some collective initiations can also be deeply personal and can serve both the individual and the collective. But, that depends on the situation.
Yes. I think of certain indigenous practices, of rites of passage, that have somewhat been mythologized. Experiences like vision quests, going out to hunt a sacred animal alone, or being sent out on your own for some transformative action in deep nature. There is this invitation to be initiated, as the collective is bringing you in through this rite of passage; yet, you're also stepping out into this challenge on your own in a certain solitude (apart from communion with the natural world). It is both.
Yasmine: Speaking of the sacred, there is a writer, Martin Shaw who speaks to all of this in a very mythopoetic way. It's all metaphor and longer stories. Which sometimes is the easiest way to frame these ideas.6
Sometimes story is much more effective for me than exposition to really feel into certain truths. This is fun to reflect on. It is so abstract. And, it is so sacred that I don't even know what I'm talking about at times. But, I'm so drawn to trying to reflect on initiation all the same.
Yasmine: Me neither. It's not meant to be understood and that's another part of why I'm so fascinated by initiation. Once you're done, you think, “I'm gonna bottle this feeling. I want to remember, always.” And, a week later, it's gone. I was still in Iceland when the feeling was gone. But it's not what matters. What matters is who we become. It's the transformation that took place. We're not meant to grasp the journey itself, because then it's mistaking the finger for the moon. Then we'll miss the point, if we're trying to go after a feeling rather let ourselves be changed by a process.
Feels like a beautiful ending.
Yasmine: I agree.
Kind Moon is a coaching and facilitation practice, led by Rob Douglas, with offerings including personal coaching, integration and mindfulness practices, tea sessions, and beyond. Please book a free discovery call or reach out via the Kind Moon website to learn more. And, as always, I invite you to share this Substack with others.
Following the breadcrumbs…
A few little links to have at hand, as we explore the world beyond. Never know what may carry the next invitation.
PODCAST: Richard Powers (on The Ezra Klein Show). This is a conversation from three years ago that I still think about fondly. I loved Richard Powers’ novel, The Overstory, as it championed the mystery and power of trees. And, I was even more appreciative when hearing how impactful that exploration proved to Powers himself, leaving behind urban life of the Bay Area to live amongst old growth trees of The Smokies. Inspiring.
NOVEL: Gilead (by Marilynne Robinson). The New York Times released its list of The 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, which included Marilynne Robinson’s 2004 novel at number 10. I forgot how much I loved this book, almost twenty years later. I was so happy to have the reminder; I hope to reread sometime in the coming months.
PRACTICE: TRE (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises). I certainly CANNOT recommend this as a scientifically valid healing modality, I am not informed enough or trained in any way to do so. However, having attended a group session for the first time last week, I can say that it is a fascinating experience and something that I am exploring more of on my own. Watching our magical pup, Zadie, shake off tense moments has always inspired me to consider doing the same. Fun to know that there are others practicing that too.
This interview process is a bit of an experiment. For full transparency: we recorded a video chat, transcribed the audio, I edited for clarity and took out a few portions, then sent to Yasmine to edit and update any language, then I made another round of final edits which included adding these footnotes. So, this is not simply a recorded conversation but rather is a collaborative writing piece sparked by an initial conversation. Still toying with what format works best to bring dynamic interviews/dialogues into the written form.
I actually included this as a breadcrumbs link in one of my earliest pieces; however, if you would like to hear more about Yasmine’s Iceland adventures and general reflections, she has an excellent interview on The Mo Show.
Yasmine noted that this idea finds language for her through Geometry of Grace, which is a modern metaphysical paradigm rooted in the intersectionality of sacred systems.
This explored into beautifully with Yasmine’s words on the use of creative arts as a bridge. I will also add, for those who like to specifically use journaling as a resource, that a helpful practice in the moment of a ceremony or alive experience can be to focus on sensations and feelings, not conclusions and explanations. Describe the setting or what is showing up, then write “I feel ___ in my body when I encounter ___” or simply “___ feelings are showing up right now.” Allow the sensations and feelings to be captured as you describe what is present (instead of analysis such as “___ happened, which I believe means ___ for me”).
I spoke a little to this in previous writing, the flow of invitation into initiation is a bit blurry. As I think on this more, I believe that is in part because these processes, which I am trying to touch into with The Four I’s, are not always linear or perfectly arranged. An invitation and intention may feel like the same moment or energy arriving all at once. I joke in this dialogue about forcing things into a “neat little box” because I know that isn’t how internal processes actually work. Nothing is so clear and tidy in these realms. Really, all of this is just grasping for a framework to translate something that is beyond set language and outside of the constructs of the mind.
Martin Shaw is a mythologist, storyteller, and wilderness rites-of-passage guide based in Devonshire, England. I have not read him but Yasmine highly recommended his book A Branch from the Lightning Tree. It was gifted to me recently and I am excited to explore.